Family Matters

Family Matters – part one

The Importance of Understanding Family Dynamics
From a lecture by Matsyavatara Prabhu. Translated from the Italian by Kaunteya Das
I believe that family life, the grihastha asrama, is a theme of universal interest. Some will get married and some will not, some will have children and some will not. But even those who don't get married and those who have already surpassed this phase of life will greatly benefit by knowing the basic dynamics, the rapport of weights and measures, and the values of family life in the Vedic-Vaisnava civilization.
In the past so much damage has been done by people who tried, disastrously, to handle the life of others without positive experience or training in the dynamics of marriage relationships. Therefore those directly involved in family life—as well as those who have to come in touch with those directly involved—should know about the fundamental principles and values on which family relations are based. To know such fundamentals of the grihastha asrama is an integral part of spiritual realization, not because it's in itself something spiritual, but because it's a social organization favorable to spiritual realization.
Even those who renounce family life for a more elevated aim will always be in touch with those in family life. Directly or indirectly everyone is interested in family life, either because one is married, or because one plans to form a family, or because one has brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, or parents in family life. In this way this asrama is fundamental and is not completely avoidable even for those who desire to live as brahmacaris—a very noble commitment and intention.
From Krishna's point of view there is no difference whatsoever between brahmacari asrama, grihastha asrama, vanaprastha asrama and sannyasa asrama. These are four positions or stages of life in which one places oneself for self-realization. The goal of life is not to become sannyasi or brahmacari, or to become grihastha or vanaprastha. The goal of life is self-realization.
However, it is necessary to spend time speaking of the grihastha asrama because in this stage of life many people complicate their problems and their relationships. Many people have therefore proposed alternative arrangements to married life but they all have been appalling disasters. Family life is certainly the most complex stage in terms of interface with the world. One has to deal with economy and with a whole series of connections and relationships—sometimes extremely difficult—such as children, parents, brothers and sisters.
Delivering One's DependentsA parent's ultimate responsibility
Question: In the Fifth Canto of Shrimad-Bhagavatam Rishabhadeva states: “One who cannot deliver his dependents from the path of repeated birth and death should never become a spiritual master, a father, a husband, a mother or a worshipable demigod.” [SB 5.5.18] Could you comment?
We can't force anyone to go to the spiritual world but we can honestly take the responsibility of doing whatever is possible to help a person to untie his or her karmic bonds. It happened that I had to advice people in debt. Their real problem is not the debt with the bank or with somebody else; their problem is their behavior and their mentality, structurally wrong. If someone in a moment of generosity would pay back their debts, they would continue to incur in debt anyway, because insolvency is ingrained in their character. They do things in the wrong way and produce debts. This is similar with karmic debts; it comes from the same source: errors inside, a deformed mind.
This statement by Rishabhadeva means that we should do our best to rectify people's mind. Diseases, for instance, are other types of debts but the dynamics are the same. There is no such thing as good and bad luck; what exists is the way of doing things, the mood, the quality of the mind and of the intellect. We have to analyze the vasanas or the latent desires. When the latent desires are negative, the negative eventually comes out. Someone may accumulate money and not make economic debts, but the same person may make debts in his relationships. A person might create enemies left and right, and those are extremely heavy debts. Other people are very capable in the field of relationships but whatever they do and touch ends in disaster. These are also debts. Therefore the sastras teach that we should control the senses, for life becomes risky when even a single sense breaks free.
Have you seen the dependence of the smoker, who surreptitiously gets away to go and have a cigarette? Have you seen the character-deformation of an alcoholic, or of a cocaine-addict, or of a gambler? They live in great suffering and with great internal conflict. The gambler knows that he is destroying his life and the life of those around him. Well-equipped casinos in the past had a room with a notary ready to write the will of a complete loser and provide him a place to commit suicide. Gamblers know that gambling is bad; they cry and bang their head into the wall; they know that by playing they ruin themselves and their families, but it overwhelms them.
Similar dynamics are there for the women- or men-hunters, the assaulters of others' purity. Therefore we should educate people to control their senses from childhood. This is what Rishabhadeva is saying. And one must have self-control himself, otherwise how can he educate others? How someone who smokes can tell another to stop?
So Rishabhadeva says that one who assumes the responsibility for others should be able to guarantee them liberation—guarantee it from his side—but they are not wood-heads, they are not automatons; they can choose. Everyone has to endeavor, but the leader should educate others to be free from the conditioning of the six degrading impulses: the urge to speak, the mind’s demands, the actions of anger and the urges of the tongue, belly and genitals. In this sense the husband, the father, the mother should be gurus, even if they don't know the sacred science in depth. (return to top of page)Family Matters – part twoDealing with Illicit SexFrom a lecture by Matsyavatara Prabhutranslated from the Italian by Kaunteya Das
Question:
In ISKCON we are taught to follow the four regulative principles, among which avoiding illicit sex is often the most crucial one. However, there are situations where one member of the couple doesn't’t agree on practicing sexual restraint, and this could lead to the drastic break-up of the marriage. What can be done in such cases?
Answer:
This is a burning issue, which requires an honest and urgent clarification. It is not the first time I have talked about it, but so far I have done so only with very intimate students. According to my understanding of Shrila Prabhupada’s teachings, I distinguish between two categories of illicit sex: the first is pre-marital and outside marriage—they belong to the same category—and the second is within wedlock, between a regular couple united before God, with the authorization and blessing of the spiritual master, who sanctifies the marriage. Both categories are classified as illicit sex—to use the classic terminology—but for me there is no comparison between the consequences of extra-conjugal illicit sex and those from illicit sex within a religiously constituted couple.
The term “illicit sex” is used to point out that sexual organs are not toys and, for both men and women, their proper function is procreation. Sexual organs are parts of the body with a precise function, and every other function is improper or “illicit.” Having said this, the embodied being experiences many conditionings, arriving to this body with a huge karmic load of samskaras* and vasanas**. For some people, therefore, the urges could be so strong that, despite all good intentions, there could be some lapses.
But one thing is the lapse occurring within the married couple, and quite another thing is the lapse outside marriage. Outside the regular couple the failure is disastrous, both personally and socially, whereas within the regularly constituted couple the damage is contained—but I am still talking of damage, don't misunderstand. There is no comparison between the two damages.
By the mercy of the divine grace, I have always strongly stressed the importance of following the regulative principles, and I am not talking like this to promote a different behavior, a different standard. I do believe that those who seek spiritual realization and aspire to develop pure love of God should strictly follow the regulative principles, and therefore should not engage in illicit sexual activities. At the same time, in my many years of experience counseling people, I have witnessed a lot of suffering caused by the uncritical, uncompromising application of the law.
People live on different planes of consciousness: it is exceptional to find two people on the same level, even if they both sincerely desire to become devotees at the same time. In a couple there is often a partner who makes quick advancement, while the other might remain stationary for some time. This usually generates a gap. I have been advising couples for more than twenty years to help each other, to be patient and tolerant. If one of the two needs help, the other should offer it generously. Perhaps I have not stressed this enough.
I consider that one should rigorously follow the regulative principles, but I am now talking of cases that could lead to serious turmoil in the family, cases that usually lead to betrayal. I don't want to suggest that anyone should abandon the principle of purity, but it should be understood that people can be cured through constant love and affection. If between husband and wife there is real sincerity and friendship, in some measure there will also be real love and affection. If the willingness to overcome one's limitations is there, some careful concessions can be excused, thus avoiding big, serious, irreparable havoc.
In my answer I limit myself to say that we shouldn't put extramarital illicit sex on the same level as the occasional weaknesses in married life. Considering them the same would show a lack of spiritual comprehension and maturity and a misunderstanding of the function of controlling sexual energies. To rectify a person—to rectify the character, to cure a disease—we need to follow the path of recovery. An expert doctor always knows how to administer the medicine.
I am not surprised or astonished if a young couple of my students once in a while indulge in effusions that go beyond the limit. Of course, I absolutely don't encourage such things because they dissipate emotional resources and increase bodily identification, distracting the devotee from the real purpose of life: Krishna-bhakti. At the same time, I am in my late fifties and I have some knowledge and experience of psychology; I have seen people who have rigidly negated their impulses for a long time and later—even in the guise of renouncers—have abandoned their religious vows.
Repression and Sublimation
Whoever represses his sexual instincts without being able to sublimate them—which means increasing his sadhana and connection to guru and Krishna—won't be able to resist long enough, and will inevitably head for a fall down. These fall downs could be so serious that the individual thrown in such a state of moral and spiritual prostration might not be able to rise again, at least in that lifetime. As the Vaishnava scriptures explain, only a few people in this age are already so elevated that they can immediately and completely abstain from sexual activity.
The majority of people need gradual distancing, protected by the institution of marriage and regulated by the four principles—the necessary groundwork for ethical life and the pursuit of spiritual realization. The management of emotions requires great competence and maturity, both cultural and spiritual. The guidance and direct assistance of the spiritual master is therefore essential, especially in crucial moments of life, when one is called to make fundamental choices (e.g.: choice of asrama) that, if wrongly handled, could jeopardize or stop spiritual advancement.
Both repression of instincts and indiscriminate indulgence can produce neurosis and serious personality disorders. Our Vaishnava literature explains that psycho-physical energies, indispensable for the journey towards transcendence, should be neither negated or repressed, nor indiscriminately dispersed; they should be correctly used, beneficially to the development of personality. In other words, they should be sublimated by engaging in devotional service. Hari-nama japa and nama sankirtana, Deity worship and spiritual association are the best means to overcome problems of lust.
Experience teaches us that through the discipline of bhakti-yoga not only is possible to sublimate impulses—by the elimination of their self-destructive unconscious charge—but also to re-integrate them on the plane of pure consciousness, as divine rasa. Otherwise, when one gives in to such impulses without discrimination, they obscure the consciousness, provoking confusion, frustration and suffering; they enslave the subject in ephemeral conceptions and bodily identities, in destructive tendencies and instincts. The science of bhakti aims at the exact opposite: making the person fully conscious of his divine nature, his own relationship with God and an instrument for everybody’s well being, including his own.
The second and third chapter of the Bhagavad-gita teach us that whoever represses certain impulses but keeps cultivating attachment for the sense objects in the mind—persisting in their contemplation and internally longing for them—won't succeed in the path of yoga.*** We need to learn how to dissociate from the sense objects psychologically, transcending the problem. For this there is a discipline or a route to follow, with arrangements and methods that partially differ from person to person, according to the various states of consciousness and psychological conditioning. Such different arrangements are obviously all finalized to reach the same objective: to overcome bodily identification and selfish gratification, and to develop pure bhakti.****
Krishna says that discovering a higher taste is necessary to abandon the inferior, conditioned and conditioning taste—source of multiple sufferings—and to reorient physical and mental dynamics: "The embodied soul may be restricted from sense enjoyment, though the taste for sense objects [the desire for them] remains. By experiencing a higher taste and ceasing such engagements, he becomes fixed in [Krishna] consciousness." *****
Right and Wrong Decisions
We should try to be honest and serious, first of all with ourselves. We should have a balanced vision and not allow people to take the vow of lifelong celibacy at a young age, without first having shown tangible signs of maturity and dominion over the senses. This maturity should be on different planes: cognitive, emotional and behavioral. A choice that is the best in absolute terms can produce serious damages if made at the wrong time, due to the person's lack of preparation.
If not properly helped, the person who has such difficulties generally develops a sense of self-failure and a heavy sense of guilt, which eventually cause inhibition, depression, emotional blocks and the stop of spiritual progress. This sense of guilt can be defined as pathological, whereas a healthy and beneficial sense of guilt arises when the person is aware of his mistakes and deeply repents them, finding in himself, guru and Krishna, the energies to rise above them.
Regarding such sensitive issues, specifically connected to life in the grihastha asrama, I have noticed over many years unhealthy symptoms and many damages produced by hasty decisions and a rigid mentality. Many marriages have failed because the person experiencing difficulty in restraining the senses—when confronted with an overly rigid partner—has looked for satisfaction outside the marriage, starting love affairs and betraying the spouse, thus producing a hellish condition for all the people involved. I recall a whole list of rigid people who first ruined their family members and then ruined themselves.
Real affection means to come forward to the needs of others, and I believe that every real need in the family has to be taken into serious consideration. If a person thinks that he or she can't or shouldn't’t concede anything, absolutely nothing, such person should not get married. And if they do get married, throughout their whole matrimonial life they will be bitterly reminded that they should not have married.
Couple means two people, two people who promise to help each other for the rest of their lives. If one is in need and the other doesn't help, I don't know how this refusal could be beneficial for his spiritual advancement, and how it could be done in the name of devotion for Krishna. Of course there can be embarrassment, little enthusiasm and whatever else, but something has to be done to help.
I have seen so many cases of conflict and I have come to the deep conviction that there must be a mediation, there must be reciprocal affection, reciprocal care. When the desire for intercourse assumes a dangerous psychological proportion—producing a "fixed idea," a true neurosis—we should act as with any other disease, looking for a remedy and a cure. When I acted as a direct witness and I advised people in this way, they often solved their problem brilliantly, gradually finding balance, detachment and serenity, discovering a type of affection that was not based on sexual intercourse.
Real affection, spiritual affection, has no need for sexual intercourse or physical contact. Such affection is the achievement of the target of bhakti, and is obtained after a long practice; it is not a starting point. At the beginning the couple might endeavor to overcome the problem, but to rise above it the effort must be equipped with enough capacity and experience, and above all enough cultural and spiritual maturity in Krishna consciousness.
Cultural Conditioning
I spoke about religious duties, but now I wish to mention the cultural environment where every one of us—consciously or unconsciously—lives. Over the last century Western culture has been increasingly fascinated by rationalism and materialism, progressively polluting itself with a pseudo-scientific literature****** that has considerably contributed to the development of a dangerously permissive sexual behavior. Such literature has induced people to think of eroticism and sexual acts as something physiologically necessary, comparing sex desire to the need for food and air. Not only have they presented the satisfaction of such an urge as inevitable, they even declared that whoever neglects it would develop psychological disorders. It is difficult to calculate the extent of harm that such mentality has caused and is causing. It is truly a social and psychological plague, both on the collective and on the individual level.
Spiritual Affection
On the plane of spiritual realization, of spiritual affection and friendship, sexual intercourse becomes totally needless, extraneous and artificial. But, as we know, people acquire perfection after long efforts. According to sastras, a married couple that can transcend illicit sex is on the direct, true path towards perfection. Until there are distractions, spiritual realization is overcast and shadowed. Besides the authoritative sastric statements in this regard, the results of scientific research made by some American universities (Wisconsin, 1968) demonstrate that numerous couples can live well without sexual intercourse, provided they cultivate their interest for elevated ethical values.
First of all—as I said at the beginning of my answer—people should try hard to abstain from extra-conjugal sex, because this generates hellish conditions in the society, in the family, in the couple and in the relationship between parents and children. Such illicit connections, metaphorically speaking, create hell; they create great embarrassment and pain; they condemn children to experience distress and harmful life-models, and condemn the spouse to anguish and deep suffering.
Illicit sex in family life is like giving methadone to a heroin-addict. Methadone is better than heroin (extramarital conjugal sex), but better than methadone is to rise above the problem. Methadone also creates addiction, but not as strong and devastating as the addiction created by heroin. Illicit sex in family life creates dependence, addiction and identification with the body—besides being a great waste of energy—but there is no comparison with illicit sex out of wedlock.
When my students intend to get married I ask them to get to know each other very well; they should thoroughly inquire about the other's choices and priorities in life. They should become deeply aware of the responsibility, the obligation, and the burden they assume in getting married. Then I become the witness, and I commit myself to help both of them to overcome all the difficulties and to face their responsibilities, which include economical, social, and emotional aspects. These are all comprised in the sphere of family responsibility and, consequently, of spiritual realization.
As I told you many times, ultimately to solve this type of problems the real solution is to seriously adopt a Krishna conscious mentality. But now I believe I should stop here with the answer. Obviously, given the magnitude and complexity of the theme, this answer will not satisfactorily exhaust the various topics touched, but it will merely serve as an orientation tool for deeper study and meditation.
Notes*1. Traces in the memory that determine the conformation of the deep psyche or unconscious, and which are the origin of mental tendencies and automatisms.**2. Latent tendencies that condition the individual character and behavior.***3. "While contemplating the objects of the senses, a person develops attachment for them, and from such attachment lust develops, and from [frustrated] lust anger arises. From anger, complete delusion arises, and from delusion bewilderment of memory. When memory is bewildered, intelligence is lost, and when intelligence is lost one falls down again into the material pool." Bhagavad-gita 2.62-63.****4. The Supreme Personality of Godhead said: "O Partha, when a man gives up all varieties of desire for sense gratification, which arise from mental concoction, and when his mind, thus purified, finds satisfaction in the self alone, then he is said to be in pure transcendental consciousness." Bhagavad-gita 2.55.*****5. Bhagavad-gita 2.59.******6. See the Freudian literature on the topic of libido.

Beautiful Message

A young man was getting ready to Graduate College. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted. As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation his father called him into his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him.He handed his son a beautiful wrapped gift box. Curious, but somewhat disappointed the young man opened the box and found a , Holy book "Srimad Bhagavad Gita". Angrily, he raised his voice at his father and said, "With all your money you give me a "Srimad Bhagavad Gita" ?" and stormed out of the house, leaving the holy book. He never contacted his father again for a long time. Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and a wonderful family, but realized his father was very old and thought perhaps he should go to him.He had not seen him since that graduation day.Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things.When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search his father's important papers and saw the still new "Srimad Bhagavad Gita", just as he had left it years ago.With tears, he opened the "Srimad Bhagavad Gita" and began to turn the pages. As he read those words, a car key dropped from an envelope taped behind the "Srimad Bhagavad Gita". It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words PAID IN FULL. How Many Times Do We Miss GOD's Blessings Because They are not Packaged as We Expected? If this touched your heart, please pass it on, does not matter what religion you belong to........The message is for everyone . (

Sent by Amit Burman Pr)

HH Radhanath Maharaj's lectures online

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Hare Krishna!

Dear Prabhuji,

Please accept my humble obeisances.All glories to Srila Prabhupada.Welcome to the audio video website of ISKCON Chowpatty.

Thanks a lot for encouraging us by listening to the lectures.

Srila Prabhupad says in the purport to the shloka 1.2.18 of Srimad Bhagavatam.

nasta-prayesu abhadresu  nityam bhagavata-sevaya
bhagavaty uttama-shloke bhaktir bhavati naisthiki

that by listening to Srimad Bhagavatam regularly all that is troublesome to the heart is almost completely destroyed, and loving service unto the Personality of Godhead, who is praised with transcendental songs, is



established as an irrevocable fact. The effects of nature's modes of passion





and ignorance, such as lust, desire and hankering, disappear from the heart.Then the devotee is established in goodness, and he becomes completely happy.

Thus Sharing this compassion of Srila Prabhupad, we wish you all the spiritual happiness. We hope that we can serve you nicely. Please listen regularly. That will help you water the bhakti creeper and ensure that it grows nicely.

Your servant

Vaishnava seva dasa



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Manipur ISKCON Bombing

I hope all of you would be aware of the bombing during the Janmashtami festival at ISKCON Manipur .

How could Lord Krsna let this happen Hare Krsna.

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

Since this unfortunate incident at our Manipur Temple many people have been questioning/asking/inquiring about “How could Lord Krsna let this happen to devotees, in His own temple”. There are several ways to answer these questions and at times its hard to find the right answer.

I have a humble request, it would be wonderful if we could post an/several articles spoken by one or many of our senior Sanyasis or GBC addressing this incident and these kinds of questions.
Thank you, All Glories to Srila Prabhupada.
Ramacandra das.

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Answer by Badrinarayan dasa:

It all ultimately comes down to the question of why there is evil in this world? Why do small babies die horrible deaths? Why do devotees get cancer? What about the holocaust and Nazi concentration camps?
This world is not a nice comfortable place. Krishna has not promised us heaven on earth. He has promised us Vaikuntha/ Goloka but we have to give up all attachments to these bodies and this world. Thus the dicotomy, tension, struggle, and breaking of attachments.

Also, on a positive note, sometimes devotees suffer and are put in difficulty for their greater glory and success. The attack on the Bombay temple in the 1970s rallied local support, turned the tide, and ultimately resulted in the big and beautiful Juhu temple. We cannot see the future and Krishna’s plan. Also, when the devotees are put in distress and Krishna ultimately saves them, their love for Him and their surrender and faith are increased. The Pandavas were hunted in the forest by their enemies but the results of their constant moving was that they gained the weapons and allies to ultimately be prepared for success on the battlefield of Kuruksetra. We don’t know how and why Krishna is moving us but we know that it is ultimately for our good and the good of the world.

Your servant, Badrinarayan dasa



Answer by Virabahu das:

From Srimad-Bhagavatam [3.16.37]:
When something is arranged by the Supreme Personality of Godhead, one should not be disturbed by it, even if it appears to be a reverse according to one’s calculations. For example, sometimes we see that a powerful preacher is killed, or sometimes he is put into difficulty, just as Haridasa Thakura was. He was a great devotee who came into this material world to execute the will of the Lord by preaching the Lord’s glories. But Haridasa was punished at the hands of the Kazi by being beaten in twenty-two marketplaces. Similarly, Lord Jesus Christ was crucified, and Prahlada Maharaja was put through so many tribulations. The Pandavas, who were direct friends of Krsna, lost their kingdom, their wife was insulted, and they had to undergo many severe tribulations. Seeing all these reverses affect devotees, one should not be disturbed; one should simply understand that in these matters there must be some plan of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. The Bhagavatam’s conclusion is that a devotee is never disturbed by such reverses. He accepts even reverse conditions as the grace of the Lord. One who continues to serve the Lord even in reverse conditions is assured that he will go back to Godhead, back to the Vaikuntha planets. Lord Brahma assured the demigods that there was no use in talking about how the disturbing situation of darkness was taking place, since the actual fact was that it was ordered by the Supreme Lord. Brahma knew this because he was a great devotee; it was possible for him to understand the plan of the Lord.


Answer by Aniruddha das:

Krsna protects the devotion of His devotees. What ever service is rendered on His behalf never goes in vain. However, our karmas run deep. Even when we are engaged in devotional activities still we suffer reactions to past deeds, albeit reduced by His mercy.

We can not know exactly why devotees are attacked in such fashion but we can know it is a reaction to past misdeeds. For exalted devotees such as Prahlada Maharaja and the residents of Vrndavana Krsna personally appears to protect them; their devotion is so great. In other circumstances the Lord doesn’t appear.
We can then understand those devotees are either not as elevated as the residents of Vrndavana or that the Lord has another plan for them. He has relieved them of this body and will give them another suitable to take up His service again, elsewhere.

We must always remember we are not this body and that an attack on this body never reduces the service offered to Him. In fact, service rendered to the Lord ensures we will take up devotional service again even in our next body. There is never any spiritual loss for a devotee.


Answer by Praghosa das:

In the 9th chapter of the First Canto of the Srimad Bhagavatam we learn the following:
Bhismadeva impresses upon Maharaja Yudhisthira that there is no need to be despondent about the massacre that was the battle of Kuruksetra as it was the will of the Lord. All the suffering and injustices that the Pandavas endured were due to them being the the sons of religion personified. Queen Kunti also suffered greatly due to the actions of the Pandavas. Prabhupada says that she had to suffer due to providence and that this has to be tolerated without one being disturbed. Queen Kunti was of course the personification of not being disturbed by calamities, indeed she prayed for more.

It is explained that suffering is due to inevitable time, under whose control everyone in every planet is being carried. Everyone has to bear the action and reaction of time as long as they are within the conditions of the material world and even the most pious sinless man has to suffer this condition of material nature. Materially the Pandavas were well equipped with great warriors such as Bhima and Arjuna and spiritually Yudhisthira was the king of religion and Lord Krsna was also on their side. Still due to influence of kala so many reverses were experienced. Kala of course is no different than the Lord Himself, therefore all this was the will of the Lord and consequently there was no reason to lament.

It is further explained that no one can understand the will of the Lord. Even though great philosophers enquire exhaustively they remain bewildered.

Krsna temporarily put his devotees in a suffering condition to establish the kingdom of virtue over vice and establish Yudhisthira on the throne. Bhismadeva was of course most pleased by this even though he fought on the other side. This was also the plan of the Lord to show that even a great personality and fighter like Bhisma cannot be victorious when fighting for the wrong cause.

Prabhupada uses the example of the the housewife teaching the daughter-in-law by teaching the daughter. So in the same way the Lord teaches the world by teaching the devotee, just as the Lord taught the less intelligent by teaching Arjuna in the Bhagavad-gita. So a devotee’s duty is to happily accept such tribulations as a benediction from the Lord.

So while it may appear unusual for devotees to suffer in the way that they recently did in Manipur, in reality it is a special mercy of the Lord as explained in this part of the Srimad Bhagavatam.
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Comments • [comment feed]1 In second chapter of Bhagavad Gita, Sri Krishna explains the qualities of sthi-prgyah or the devotee. Devotees is equanimous to external world of dualities and is not disturbed by them. That is due to internal advancement of devotee. Krishna who resides in everyone’s heart make devotee equanimous towards external events by making him realize the happiness within. That is true protection i.e. Krishna eliminates all the miseries of the devotees as those experience don’t cause him to suffer and he always maintains his happiness. Even though Pandavas externally had difficult circumstances, but internally they were happy, contended and enjoying the happiness from within and with Krishna.

Even though 100% equanimity is attained by exalted devotees, the aspiring devotees can still get glimpse of equanimity. That is true for every devotee. As he advances or comes closer to Krishna, he becomes more equanimous. As he becomes more equanimous, less experiences of life make him unhappy. So, automatically his suffering is reduced. That is greatest protection from misery i.e. to make us transcend the modes of nature.
In order to go to Vaikuntha, we need to transcend duality and become equanimous in our current life. When this happen, even current life on earth is like Vaikuntha i.e without anxiety and full of happiness. This state of without kuntha or suffering can easily be attained by practicing bhakti in proper way. We should aspire to become more advanced in this bhakti which results in more equanimity. If advancement comes, then we can automatically handle seemingly external situations of dukh.

Devotee does not ask “why this external event happened” as equanimous devotee is internally unaffected by such event. If one gets disturbed by duality, then one should focus more on bhakti so that one can advance and become more equanimous.

Death is a different issue. We need to look at death with proper perspective i.e. soul does not die. Therefore, the protection after death means that Krishna keeps bringing us closer to Him in our next life. As we continue to advance in next life, we become more equanimous and in next life, we are more blissful. As long as Krishna keeps giving us opportunities to advance in bhakti, we are protected from miseries. If in our current life we are experiencing advancement in bhakti, then we can be confident that we will continue to advance in next lives also.

Essence is that Krishna is always protecting us. He is giving us air to breathe, food, water etc. He even protects animals. He is always with us in our heart. He is ready to guide us, reciprocate to us, hear from us and so on. Unfortunately, we take all that protection for granted. If we focus our mind towards Him, then Krishna is ready to give us best gift i.e. bliss in current life and bliss after death. It is us who see miseries in external event and then, blame Krishna. Otherwise, external events cannot cause any misery and cannot disturb us if we accept Krishna in our life and in our mind.

Comment posted by gmittal on August 24th, 2006 2 Excellent replies.

Here is some more from Srila Prabhupada.

Since Citraketu was a devotee of the Lord, he was not at all disturbed by the curse of mother Parvati. He knew very well that one suffers or enjoys the results of one’s past deeds as ordained by daiva-netra-superior authority, or the agents of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He knew that he had not committed any offense at the lotus feet of Lord Siva or the goddess Parvati, yet he had been punished, and this means that the punishment had been ordained. Thus the King did not mind it. A devotee is naturally so humble and meek that he accepts any condition of life as a blessing from the Lord. Tat te ‘nukampam susamiksamanah (SB 10.14.8). A devotee always accepts punishment from anyone as the mercy of the Lord. If one lives in this conception of life, he sees whatever reverses occur to be due to his past misdeeds, and therefore he never accuses anyone. On the contrary, he becomes increasingly attached to the Supreme Personality of Godhead because of his being purified by his suffering. Suffering, therefore, is also a process of purification.
Srila Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakura says in this connection that one who has developed Krsna consciousness and who exists in love with Krsna is no longer subject to suffering and happiness under the laws of karma. Indeed, he is beyond karma. The Brahma-samhita says, karmani nirdahati kintu ca bhakti-bhajam: [Bs. 5.54] a devotee is free from the reactions of his karma because he has taken to devotional service. This same principle is confirmed in Bhagavad-gita (14.26). Sa gunan samatityaitan brahma-bhuyaya kalpate: one who is engaged in devotional service has already been freed from the reactions of his material karma, and thus he immediately becomes brahma-bhuta [SB 4.30.20], or transcendental. This is also expressed in Srimad-Bhagavatam (1.2.21). Ksiyante casya karmani: before attaining the stage of love, one becomes free from all the results of karma.

The Lord is very kind and affectionate toward His devotees, and therefore a devotee, in any condition, is not subjected to the results of karma. A devotee never aspires for the heavenly planets. The heavenly planets, liberation and hell are nondifferent for a devotee, for he does not discriminate between different positions in the material world. A devotee is always eager to return home, back to Godhead, and remain there as the Lord’s associate. This ambition becomes increasingly fervent in his heart, and therefore he does not care about material changes in his life. Srila Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakura comments that Maharaja Citraketu’s being cursed by Parvati should be considered the mercy of the Lord. The Lord wanted Citraketu to return to Godhead as soon as possible, and therefore he terminated all the reactions of his past deeds. Acting through the heart of Parvati, the Lord, who is situated in everyone’s heart, cursed Citraketu in order to end all his material reactions. Thus Citraketu became Vrtrasura in his next life and returned home, back to Godhead.SB 6.17.18
TRANSLATION
My dear Lord, one who earnestly waits for You to bestow Your causeless mercy upon him, all the while patiently suffering the reactions of his past misdeeds and offering You respectful obeisances with his heart, words and body, is surely eligible for liberation, for it has become his rightful claim.

PURPORT
Srila Sridhara Svami explains in his commentary that just as a legitimate son has to simply remain alive to gain an inheritance from his father, one who simply remains alive in Krsna consciousness, following the regulative principles of bhakti-yoga, automatically becomes eligible to receive the mercy of the Personality of Godhead. In other words, he will be promoted to the kingdom of God.

The word su-samiksamana indicates that a devotee earnestly awaits the mercy of the Supreme Lord even while suffering the painful effects of previous sinful activities. Lord Krsna explains in the Bhagavad-gita that a devotee who fully surrenders unto Him is no longer liable to suffer the reactions of his previous karma. However, because in his mind a devotee may still maintain the remnants of his previous sinful mentality, the Lord removes the last vestiges of the enjoying spirit by giving His devotee punishments that may sometimes resemble sinful reactions. The purpose of the entire creation of God is to rectify the living entity’s tendency to enjoy without the Lord, and therefore the particular punishment given for a sinful activity is specifically designed to curtail the mentality that produced the activity. Although a devotee has surrendered to the Lord’s devotional service, until he is completely perfect in Krsna consciousness he may maintain a slight inclination to enjoy the false happiness of this world. The Lord therefore creates a particular situation to eradicate this remaining enjoying spirit. This unhappiness suffered by a sincere devotee is not technically a karmic reaction; it is rather the Lord’s special mercy for inducing His devotee to completely let go of the material world and return home, back to Godhead.

A sincere devotee earnestly desires to go back to the Lord’s abode. Therefore he willingly accepts the Lord’s merciful punishment and continues offering respects and obeisances to the Lord with his heart, words and body. Such a bona fide servant of the Lord, considering all hardship a small price to pay for gaining the personal association of the Lord, certainly becomes a legitimate son of God, as indicated here by the words daya-bhak. Just as one cannot approach the sun without becoming fire, one cannot approach the supreme pure, Lord Krsna, without undergoing a rigid purificatory process, which may appear like suffering but which is in fact a curative treatment administered by the personal hand of the Lord.
SB 10.14.8

Comment posted by Krishna Dharma on August 24th, 2006 3
Thanks to Krishna Dharma Prabhu for these nice quotes from the Bhagavatam. One note: the second one (SB 10.14.8) was written by His Holiness Hridayananda Das Goswami.

Comment posted by Dravida Dasa on August 24th, 2006 4 Thanks for that correction, Dravida prabhu. Also, the nice quotations offered by Praghosa prabhu are from the 1st canto 9th chapter, not 9th canto as stated.
Comment posted by Krishna Dharma on August 24th, 2006 5 When a determined enemy wishes to attack our temple, we must be prepared to defend and protect ourselves, as well as Lord Krishna’s Property. We can not just blame what happened on the Will of Providence. It may have been our own negligence, and lack of will to be strong, which contributed to the tragedy, as much as the perpetrators of the crime.

Here is another Newspaper article regarding the group that perportedly is suspected of the Terrorist Incident:
NEW DELHI, AUG18 [TOI] : Security agencies suspect that a little-known insurgent outfit in Manipur, Kanglei Yawol Kanna Lup (KYKL), was behind the lobbing of a Chinese grenade at devotees inside the Iskcon temple in Imphal during the Janamashtmi celebrations on Wednesday. The provocation - the shrine management failed to heed its ‘extortion’ demand.

Comment posted by Suresh das on August 25th, 2006 6 Surely we must see everything as ultimately God’s will. However, we also have our God-given duty and if we are delinquent in that we are culpable. Leaders have a God-given duty to protect their followers and a failure in this regard is punishable. Bhishmadeva explains in the Shanti Parva that if an afflicted person cries out for a protector but finds none, then the king and all his ministers “sink into hell”.

However, as the afflicted we must take shelter of the understanding that in the end it is God’s will. We cannot blame anyone, as the Bhagavatam explains.

rajovacadharmam bravisi dharma-jnadharmo ’si vrsa-rupa-dhrkyad adharma-krtah sthanamsucakasyapi tad bhavet

The King said: O you, who are in the form of a bull! You know the truth of religion, and you are speaking according to the principle that the destination intended for the perpetrator of irreligious acts is also intended for one who identifies the perpetrator. You are no other than the personality of religion.

PURPORT
A devotee’s conclusion is that no one is directly responsible for being a benefactor or mischief-monger without the sanction of the Lord; therefore he does not consider anyone to be directly responsible for such action. But in both the cases he takes it for granted that either benefit or loss is God-sent, and thus it is His grace. In case of benefit, no one will deny that it is God-sent, but in case of loss or reverses one becomes doubtful about how the Lord could be so unkind to His devotee as to put him in great difficulty. Jesus Christ was seemingly put into such great difficulty, being crucified by the ignorant, but he was never angry at the mischief-mongers. That is the way of accepting a thing, either favorable or unfavorable. Thus for a devotee the identifier is equally a sinner, like the mischief-monger. By God’s grace, the devotee tolerates all reverses. Maharaja Pariksit observed this, and therefore he could understand that the bull was no other than the personality of religion himself. In other words, a devotee has no suffering at all because so-called suffering is also God’s grace for a devotee who sees God in everything. The cow and bull never placed any complaint before the King for being tortured by the personality of Kali, although everyone lodges such complaints before the state authorities. The extraordinary behavior of the bull made the King conclude that the bull was certainly the personality of religion, for no one else could understand the finer intricacies of the codes of religion. SB 1.17.23

Technology - Blessing or Curse?

Technology - Blessing or Curse?



“Technology … the knack of so arranging the world that we don’t have to experience it.” – Max Frisch, Homo Faber



We live in the age of technology. We commute by automobiles and airplanes and communicate by emails and mobiles. The media and the Internet provide us the latest information from all over the world. Movies filled with hi-tech special effects entertain us. Air conditioners and room heaters keep our life comfortable despite climatic inconveniences….The list goes on. Technology has transformed almost every aspect of our lives. Of course, a few of us may have concerns about the pollution and environmental problems that technology has led to. But overall most people feel that technology has benefited us immensely.



But, as per the above quote, that precisely is the expertise of technology – to not let us experience the reality of the world. Therefore let us go deeper to analyze the effects of technology on our society:



Technology harms more than it benefits

How many people can afford a car? Not everyone. But how many people have to breathe the poisonous exhaust of the car? Everyone.

How many people enjoy consumer products? A few. But when the industries manufacturing these products release toxic effluents into the rivers, how many people suffer? Everyone.

How many people have benefited from fertilizers, insecticides, terminator seeds, and other artificial techniques for increasing agricultural production? Some people for a generation or two. But how many people are troubled by the soil infertility and the resulting ever-increasing prices of essential food grains? Everyone for many generations to come.

Who benefit from cell phones? The vendors and the users. But who are exposed to the harmful electromagnetic waves that fill the atmosphere? Everyone.

Whom does nuclear technology help? Mainly a few power-hungry politicians. But whom does it endanger? Everyone.

Who are benefiting from extensive technological advancement? A few developed countries. But who will suffer from the global warming they have caused in the process? All the coastal countries of world.

Technology offers luxuries to a few, but strips millions of their necessities in the process. In other words, technology heals in retail and kills in wholesale.



Technology creates a worldview which makes its misuse natural



Often the proponents of technology argue that the misuse of technology is to be condemned, not technology itself. They liken technology to a knife; in the hand of a murderer it kills, but in the hand of a surgeon, it cures. Similarly, the argument goes, technology cannot be blamed if mavericks threaten to, say, misuse nuclear weapons.



The analogy is good, but does it apply to technology? Technology does not just create machines. It also creates the worldviews of the users of those machines. In a technology-centered world, multitudes of gadgets promise control and enjoyment. Consequently people develop, consciously or unconsciously, a worldview that everything is meant for their enjoyment if they can just get the means. Technological education, being secular, teaches them nothing about any higher spiritual purpose of life. Having no knowledge or opportunity for finding inner fulfillment, people consider material enjoyment to be the only goal of life. Further the media, using the most sophisticated technology, fills their minds with lust for enjoyment and greed for possessions. In a world of limited resources and unlimited desires, frustration of lust and greed is inevitable. This frustration soon erupts as anger. And whey people are given no knowledge of karmic justice, what is going to stop them – impelled as they are by lust, greed and anger - from misusing technology, their most powerful resource, while pursuing pleasure?

Once I saw a jazzy billboard announcing an upcoming beauty pageant. Below the lewd pictures read a note: “The proceeds from this contest will be used to treat AIDS patients”. I couldn’t resist commenting to my friend, “I don’t know whether any people will be cured of AIDS by this, but I know for sure that many people will get AIDS due to this.”

In many reputed educational institutes, students are provided with high-speed broadband Internet connections to facilitate their research work. But what is the main search object for most students? Pornography.

Do we ever see ads promoting rice, vegetables and other essential food items that nourish our bodies? Rarely. But how often do we see ads that seduce us to smoke and drink and destroy our bodies? Everywhere all the time.

What is the main purpose for which almost all the countries use technology? Defense. Not supply of food or other basic necessities.

Where does most of the funding for technological research globally come from? Either the defense industry or the consumer industry. Both of these cater, not to the basic necessities of life of everyone, but to the lust, greed and anger of the powerful and the wealthy.



These few examples indicate a general pattern: technology is used far more for the selfish pleasures of some than for the selfless good of all. Going back to the knife analogy, imagine giving a knife to a person who we know is blind and mad. What is he going to do with it other than misuse it to harm himself and others? As discussed above, the technological worldview makes people spiritually blind and materially mad. When such people – whether they be scheming politicians, cunning businessmen or misled masses - are given technology, what will they do other than misuse it for gradual or sudden MAD (mutually assured destruction)?



Technology creates, not progress, but an illusion of progress

In the past people would leave the doors of their homes open and still be fearless. Now we moderns lock, bolt, chain and buzzer-alarm their doors and are still fearful. Is this progress?

Most moderns are proud of their posh houses, fast cars, smooth roads and skyscraper offices, but they can’t even sleep without a pill. Can a society be considered progressed if it makes its people struggle to get the simple and essential pleasure of sleeping, a pleasure that the “primitive” villager gets effortlessly?

The technological worldview being materialistic gives rise to selfishness, competition and exploitation. Most moderns, despite the show of romantic love, can’t trust their own spouses - what then to speak of parents and children or bosses and colleagues. Do alienated, suspicious people comprise a progressive society?

In the past, the main occupation for most people was farming. People would work around eight hours daily about four months a year during the sowing and harvesting seasons. That would provide them enough for the whole year. Then came the industrial revolution and we “progressed” from fields to factories. And people had to work for eight hours throughout the year. As we now enter the information age, people have to work almost twelve hours a day throughout the year. To have to work more and more for the same basic necessities of life – is this progress?

In fact, we proud moderns go through far more anxieties - job insecurity, stock market crashes, political instability, scandals, crimes, to name a few - to get our necessities than our ancestors. And despite the entire struggle, what we get is substandard – no fresh food, clean water or pure air! To go through greater anxiety to get life’s necessities of a poorer quality - is this progress?

Industrialization – an outgrowth of technological advancement - has led to factories replacing fields as the main workplace and machines replacing humans at the workplace. Result? Factories mostly provide hazardous, unhygienic or monotonous jobs that make humans slaves to machines. Even the office jobs being sedentary cause health problems. And mechanized factories can never offer as much employment as the farms did in the past. So a large number of people have to suffer or fear unemployment. For subsistence some of the unemployed turn to begging and others to crime. And overall the modernized industrial environment is so agitating to the mind that self-destructive addictions become the only solace for most people. Are these – unemployment, hazardous or unhealthy employment, criminality and addictions - indicators of progress?

Technology provides comforts, but the high-speed technology-centered lifestyle takes away the peace of mind necessary to enjoy the comforts. A software engineer has an AC in his office, but still he sweats - not due to heat, but due to tension. Thus technology makes us comfortably miserable.

Medical technology may have eradicated a few diseases and may offer cures to some more. But far more people need medical attention today than in the past due to unhealthy congested city living, sedentary lifestyles and polluted air, water and food. A greater number of hospitals is a sign, not so much of better health care as of worse health. Moreover many of the sophisticated medical treatments, unlike the traditional herbal cures, are prohibitively expensive.

Most moderns can hardly imagine life without television, movies and myriad other forms of hi-tech entertainment. And they pity the ancestors who did not have all this enjoyment. But people in the past knew how to find joy in the simple things of life - like sharing and caring in joint families, observing and learning from nature and hearing and chanting the names and glories of God. Consequently they did not find life boring. On the contrary it is we who have divorced ourselves from simple natural pleasures by our infatuation with technology. And so, despite our much-touted entertainment, we still find ourselves constantly bored. The entertainment industry may use sophisticated technology, but is the dependence on entertainment - and the serious inner emptiness that it symptomizes – a sign of progress?

Technology intoxicates us with the feeling of being the controller. Just by pressing a switch, we can cause huge machines to perform complex actions. Just by clicking a key, we can summon information from any part of the world. By constantly working with machines, we become habituated to controlling them – and expect everything and everyone to be similarly controlled. When people refuse to be controlled like machines, we end up with all sorts of relationship conflicts ranging from cold wars to marital ruptures, from quarrels to murders. And in life when things don’t go the way we want them to, we end up suffering from a wide range of mental problems, from depression to addiction, from stress to suicide.



Technology represents a tragic misuse of the human intelligence



Imagine a doctor who prescribes only a painkiller to a seriously sick patient. The patient is happy because he gets relief. The doctor is happy because he gets his fees. Happy end of story, isn’t it? The problem is - the story doesn’t end there. The patient’s pain is not cured, but covered. Soon it will recur and worsen.



All of us are like the seriously sick patient. From the moment of birth, we have a death sentence on our heads. Time forces us to helplessly grow old, get diseased and die. Along this doomed journey from birth to death, miseries from our own bodies and minds (e.g. fever, indigestion, stress, depression), miseries from other living beings (e.g. mosquitoes, competitors, superiors, relatives), and miseries from nature (e.g. extreme heat or cold, floods, earthquakes) periodically torment us.



The Vedic texts explain the root cause of our suffering. We are spiritual beings entrapped in material bodies. We belong, not to this temporary and miserable material world, but to an eternal and blissful spiritual realm, where we live forever in loving harmony with God. Due to our desire to enjoy independent of God, we are placed in this world, which is an arena for experimentation and rectification. Our advanced human intelligence is meant to recognize our terrible predicament here. For such intelligent humans, the Vedic texts offer a systematic spiritual path that enables them to re-harmonize with and return back to God.



In our modern times, this intelligence has been used, not to advance spiritually, but to develop technologically. Technology gratifies our senses, inflates our ego and makes us feel comfortable and proud. However, technology provides entertainment, not peace; comforts, not happiness; medicines, not health; cosmetics, not youth; life support systems, not immortality. Thus technology is like the painkiller that deadens us to the suffering of material existence. It creates an illusory sense of well-being, which makes us feel that a spiritual solution is unnecessary. Technology, by its false promises, deprives us of the opportunity to attain everlasting happiness and condemns us to stay on and suffer in this world of birth and death.



Srila Prabhupada succinctly states the superficial and futile nature of technological advancement, “The intelligence that is meant for solving your problems permanently is misused to convert a castor oil lamp into an electric lamp.” (paraphrased)



Make the best use of a bad bargain



“Do we have to give up technology and return back to village life?” That is not undesirable, but it may not be practical for most of us.



We don’t have to give up technology; but we do have to give up the illusion that technology can make us happy. As spiritual beings our happiness lies not in material acquisition, but in spiritual realization. When by spiritual knowledge and practice we find happiness in loving and serving God, we can use technology in His service, for spreading His message and mission.



Some of you may be feeling a sort of double standards in this article – it condemns technology, using technology. Srila Prabhupada would often give an example to clarify this:



Suppose a gang of thieves robs a bank and flees in a car at a speed of 80 mph on a road with a speed limit of 40 mph. What should the police van chasing the thieves do – stick to the speed limit and let the thieves escape or break the speed limit, go faster than the thieves, arrest them and retrieve the stolen wealth?



Similarly just like the thieves breaking the traffic rules, technological advancement is against the purpose of the material world. Yet when people’s spiritual knowledge is being stolen away by the propagation of godlessness and materialism through technology, what should the spiritual guardians of society – the devotees of God – do? They use the same technology to vigorously propagate God consciousness and spirituality. They thus try to save the innocent people from being misled into needless suffering in the name of technological progress.



In fact Srila Prabhupada envisioned an East-West synthesis of Indian wisdom and Western technology. He knew that this alone could usher in a new global era of harmony and happiness. He compared the coming together of Vedic spirituality and modern technology to the coming together of the proverbial blind man and the lame man. But for this synthesis to take place, the technologically advanced West has to recognize that it is lacking in spiritual vision. And the materially crippled India has to recognize its wealth of spiritual knowledge. If we acknowledge our respective endowments and deficiencies, we can become pioneers in bringing about an international spiritual revival, which is the only hope for our disastrously misled modern world. Are we ready?

 

ANGER = SELF POISON

Did you see that Zidane Head butt in world cup final. Only if he would have controlled his temper at that point in time he would have made sure that France would have won as it would not have lost any penalty shot, he being a specialist, and he would have become French God. Here is an article you all will like to read

ANGER = SELF POISON


England lost its place from the World Cup and one of the reasons is that they lost their star Wayne Rooney because the dynamic striker was red carded.

There is, they say, a scorpion found in South America which when angered, becomes so furious that it stings itself with its own poison and dies. This is a fitting climax to anger, because anger is, indeed SELF poison.

I was reading a column in one of the dailies and it is quoted that Wayne Rooney is guilty of losing his cool quite too often. The paper also quotes that he seems to be also attending counseling skills on anger management.

For time immemorial, from the times of the first recorded wisdom, we�ve all been advised to control our emotions.

How many of us are guilty of SELF poisoning ourselves with anger?

The ancient Greek philosopher, Pythagoras quotes, Anger begins in folly and ends in repentance.

Is this what the LTTE is doing by being apologetic about the assassination of our former Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi?

Modern psychology would add that, while anger often is openly and vehemently expressed, the repentance which follows usually repressed and festers in various forms of self-guilt and subconscious.

The back lash of our anger usually whips against our own feverish flesh and leaves scars which the future may never heal and which regret may never hide.

As John Webster said, There is not in nature a thing that makes a man so deformed, so beastly as does intemperate anger.

A little story to illustrate this point (Anonymous).

There was a young boy who lost his temper very often. One day he asked his father what should he do to control this.

The father went straight to the attic and brought with him a pound of nails and a hammer. He gave them to his son and told him, every time you feel like getting angry take a nail and go and hammer it on the gate.

The boy listened to his father and every time he would get angry he would go and hammer a nail into the gate. In a few days the gate was full of nails, but his anger still remained. He went back to his father once

again and told him that the gate has been filled with the nails he had hammered whenever he got angry. The father asked him begin removing the nails this time whenever he got angry.

The boy listened to his father once again and did so.

In a few days all the nails from the gate were removed, and the boys anger was gone. He ran to his father and told him about this good feeling he had inherited because of the exercise.

The father led the boy to the gate and expressed his happiness, however showed him the scars that were left by hammering the nail and then removing them out.

The father summed up, Every time we get angry on someone we leave as many scars.

Coming back, anger hurts the one who possesses it even more than the one on whom anger is directed. And this is nothing but SELF poison. But let us not overlook the certainty that our anger also hurts others. And, in hurting others, we might make them turn hostile and in turn aim their anger against us.

The psychological need to conquer is as false as it is ineffective. It is much safer to reconcile an enemy that to conquer. A reconciled enemy may not be an enemy any longer, but a conquered enemy remains an enemy still, and is all the more vindictive.

You can assign most of your duties to the others but only you can forgive your enemies.

So even if you can't love your enemies, do not hate them. Being adversaries, they exercise your initiative and develop your strength. Being provocateurs, they challenge your discipline to keep cool.

And by keeping cool, you keep control over others control over circumstances..

That is the condition worthy of your continuing efforts. It is the QUIET MIND.

Hope you will get to listen to this some time before it is too late, because an angry leader is a poor leader.

In his time Bjorn Borg was called ice berg but many do not know that when he was a kid he broke a racket after losing a match, and his mother promptly packed his tennis kit and told him to give up his tennis. It took a lot of pleading apology and coaxing that changed his mothers thinking on letting him continue with his tennis career, but not before the mother asked Borg to promise to her that he will never ever

lose his cool on and off the court. No wonder he became a legend. No wonder his clashes with John McEnroe were legendary too as they were temperamentally poles apart and more often than not Borg emerged victorious.


Do preserve yourself & others while evolving continuously...



AJ AY KUMAR DHIMAN


 

A VERY INTERESTING AND HIGH QUALITY TESTING---DELIGHTFUL

A VERY INTERESTING AND HIGH QUALITY TESTING---DELIGHTFUL

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http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=superiqogt
(THIS LINK INSIGHTS INTELLECT)

http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=subconsciousmindogt
(THIS LINK INSIGHTS THE SUBCONCIOUS MIND)





 
 

Choosing To Forgive

Choosing To Forgive
By Mahatma das

Last year I forgave four devotees who were responsible for causing great
pain and frustration in my life. Actually I didn’t forgive them of my own
accord. I was asked to forgive them - for my own benefit. First I focused on the ways these people hurt me. Then I was asked to look at them in a
different light; to consider that they were just doing the best they could
in the particular situation they were in. Next, I was asked if I would be
willing to forgive them, not with the hope that they would ever change, but in order to free myself from the negative effects this resentment was having on me. I went along with it because I realized there was no point in holding onto the bad feelings I had for these devotees. Then something wonderful happened. The moment I let go of those feelings I actually felt cleansed,uplifted, energized.

Three of these people were former gurus who fell down and left Iskcon. I had dedicated tremendous amounts of my youthful blood, sweat and tears building up temples they reigned over. When they left, those temples were severely
affected. On three different occasions in three different temples I stood by
and watched my hard work crumble because one person did not have the self
control, dignity, perseverance, and humility- the very qualities they
demanded of others - to save themselves and remain faithful to their vows
and service to Srila Prabhupada.

And there was one other devotee I forgave who did not fall down. He is a
wonderful devotee, highly respected, very dear to Srila Prabhupada, sincere,and very Krsna conscious. But unknown to him he made my life difficult at times by undermining my management, albeit not maliciously, in a way that created some serious problems in the temple I was managing. Sometimes these problems even resulted in devotees turning against one another and turning against me. Was it difficult for me? Was I frustrated? Was I miserable?

That’s putting it mildly. All these experiences took their toll on me. As a
result I decided I would never again manage another temple.

I had built up enough resentment inside of me that I had become reluctant to give myself fully to Iskcon any longer. I started to lack the enthusiasm I used to have. I was more cautious. I was becoming more concerned about my well being than Iskcon’s. I moved more to the sidelines. I was being held back by a lot of pain, hurt, frustration and anger. I was afraid to step too far forward again. I had enough.

Yet when I forgave those devotees my enthusiasm came back. I immediately realized that I allowed the hurt to control me. I allowed the behavior of these devotees to hold me down. I allowed these past experiences to determine my future. I had played the victim and not taken responsibility for my own situation.

As my enthusiasm increased, it became more obvious to me that many devotees are still in the same position I was in i.e. blaming Iskcon, blaming leaders, holding grudges. Or they have been hurt or betrayed by a another devotee and can’t get over it. I used my resentment to justify why I was not as Krsna consciousness as I could be. Yet deep down I knew that at the time of death if I had to convince the Yamadutas that the reason I am not Krsna conscious is that so and so Swami fell down or that Iskcon mistreated me, the Yamadutas were not going to buy it. Certainly they weren’t going to say something like, “Oh, I am so sorry to hear that Mahatma, you poor thing. We totally understand what you went through and we have decided to give you a break.” But rather they would say something like, “Who cares. Now come with us, your next body is waiting.”

The sastras are full of stories of forgiveness: Ambarisa forgiving Durvasa,
Parikshit forgiving Sringi, Narada Muni forgiving Daksa, Prahlada forgiving Hiranyakasipu, Haridas Thakura forgiving the guards who beat him, Nityananada forgiving Jagai and Madhai, Parasarama forgiving those who stole his family’s kamadhenu cow. Srila Prabhupada forgave anyone who came to him to serve Krsna. And of course Krsna forgives all of us no matter how sinful or blasphemous we were.

Sastra implores us to forgive. The Srimad Bhagavatam lists forgiveness as one of the qualities of civilized human beings. And Srila Prabhupada asks us to be forgiving so we can cooperate to spread the movement. Yet despite the examples of devotees demonstrating incredible acts of forgiveness, despite the sastra telling us to accept suffering as a token reaction of our karma, despite Prabhupada’s plea for us to forgive, and despite the cleansing it can do to our hearts, forgiving is difficult for many of us. Devotees often say, “I was so deeply hurt that I just don’t know how I can forgive.”

My realization now is that saying “I can’t forgive” ultimately means “I am
choosing to not forgive.” That sounds harsh or heavy, but the reality is
that ordinary people have forgiven others for the worst offences and abuses imaginable.

We need motivation to forgive. Sometimes the only thing that will motivate us to forgive is a self centered attitude- to do it to relieve our own suffering. This is what I did. Yet this propelled my devotional service. It got me out of the “I can’t” mode. The technique was not transcendental, but the results were.

So even if you don’t really want to forgive others, you just have to want to
let go of the resentment, the hurt, the pain from your heart. If you are
willing to do this, Krsna will help you move to forgiveness without any
further effort.

But our ego is fighting this battle. It is saying that you should stay
offended and hurt and you should continue to fight. The ego wants to be
right. But the reality is that we are only hurting ourselves. Holding onto
resentment never makes anyone happy. Remaining offended is a weed in the heart, and it keeps us bitter about something or someone. But a devotee is not bitter; a devotee is joyful.

One lady described unforgiveness like going into labor but not letting the
baby come out.

It can help to write a letter of forgiveness. The letter need not be sent,
neither should we ever expect that person to change or should we necessarily desire a better relationship with that person – or any relationship at all.

The letter is simply written to cleanse our hearts. Or we may have a friend play the person we wish to forgive and tell them how they hurt us and then tell them that we forgive them. For our own sanity we need to do something to release the resentment.

As I mentioned, I was helped to learn that that the person who hurt me was just trying his best. One devotee relates that her daughter was so seriously hurt that it not only impacted her daughter’s life, but her life as well. When she found it impossible to forgive the person who offended her daughter, her husband asked her to consider how she would have acted had she been in the same situation as the offender. As she considered this she realized it was possible that she might have reacted the same way. And this enabled her to forgive. Understanding the situation a person was in when they made the offense or committed the abuse, as well understanding what that person has gone through in life that may have contributed to their actions, can reduce or release the resentment. “Hate the sin, not the sinner.” Or if you are up to it, “Hate the sin and love the sinner.”

Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura had a transcendental method to
release resentment. Whenever a disciple would come to him to complain about another devotee, he would say, “Does that devotee have any good qualities?”

When the disciple would point out their good qualities, he would say, “So
focus on those qualities.” This is an amazingly powerful tool because
resentment will not reside in a heart where there appreciation. This is
because what we focus on expands. When we focus on the good, the good
expands in our minds, and this purifies our heart. When we focus on the
resentment, it just gets worse. If we can bring ourselves to see the good in
those who hurt us – and certainly there must be some good in them – this acts miraculously to dissipate resentment.

Although hard to appreciate, especially when going through difficulty, Srila Prabhupada says that either benefit or loss is God sent and thus it is God’s grace. If we see things this way and try to learn from every experience, we can gain much even from the most painful experiences. A devotee counselor related the story of one of her clients. “I was able to forgive my attacker because if it hadn’t been for him I would have been on a collision course to hell. He gave me a giant wake up call. This experience really opened my eyes. I could see that this man was truly desperate and sad. I began to have compassion for him; not for what he did to me, but for him, the person. I pray that he can get the help now.”

This is amazing. Who would have thought that a person could become more compassionate after being attacked? Somehow she learned so much from this experience. I have spoken to many others who have had similar experiences. Normally, at first they only saw the negative side and they remained hurt and angry. But after some time many were able to see things in a different light and either take some responsibility for what happened or see something good in what happened.

In relationships we often get instant karma (reactions) for something we do or say. When I was in charge of one temple, there were two devotees that lived there that couldn’t stand me. I thought they had their own issues to deal with (this is what everyone said about them) and it really had nothing to do with me. After all, other devotees didn’t hate me. So I built up a lot of resentment towards them because they were making things difficult for me.

Twelve years later I was asked to take responsibility for their feelings
towards me and look at what I might have done to make them feel the way they did. Rather than blame them for their actions, as I had been doing, I decided to take responsibility. Doing this helped me realize that I said many things to them that naturally caused them to resent me. I could then see that if someone treated me the way I treated them, I would hate them as well. Once I understood this, twelve years of resentment for them immediately vanished.

How often are we ready to blame others and hold ill feelings towards them when they are only reacting to things we said or did to them? As it is said, “Communication is the result you get.”

Had I not taken responsibility for my actions, I believe I would have
carried my resentment towards those two devotees to my death bed. They were never going to apologize to me. Why should they when they were the ones who were offended? Yet twelve years later I was still hoping I would receive an apology. Why was I so anxious for an apology? It was because the resentment I had towards them was poison in my heart and I desperately wanted to rid myself of it. Unfortunately, I thought the only way this was going to happen was for them to apologize. And twelve years later I was still waiting for that apology. What a fool I was. I had thought that I could not forgive them without getting an apology from them. So for twelve years they were holding my ability to forgive them in their hands. So if you are waiting for someone to apologize before you can forgive, you don’t have to. But if you plan to wait, you will most likely be carrying your resentment for them to your grave.

But what if an actual offence is made against us. We see in the example of
Ambarisa Maharaja that he did not take offence when Durvasa Muni mistreated him. Durvasa was told by Lord Visnu that he committed an offence against Ambarisa Maharaja and would have to ask his forgiveness to be relieved.

Ambarisa Maharaja forgave him although he considered that he actually
offended Durvasa. He forgave Durvasa for Durvasa’s benefit. Without
forgiving him, Durvasa would have been killed by the sudarsana chakra. This shows how a devotee does not want to see the offenders suffer for their offences.

Forgiveness reaches it’s highest level when we wish to bless or help the
offender. Prahlada Maharaja not only forgave his father but prayed to the
Lord for his liberation. Haridas Thakura prayed for the guards that were
trying to kill him. Nityananda Prabhu desperately wanted to save Jagai and Madhai, even after they tried to kill him. If we give mercy, we get mercy. The great souls never stop giving mercy.

Don’t think that great acts of forgiveness are only reserved for the great
souls. We can perform them as well. Here’s a wonderful story. Once a girl
got so angry at a boy who was making passes at her that she ended up
stabbing him to death. As a result, the girl went into a state of deep
depression and remorse. She needed help and the most unlikely person decided to dedicate her life to helping this girl – the mother of the boy she killed. Great acts of forgiveness cannot only be done by great souls;
average souls like you and me can do them as well. And this will make us
great souls.

Many of us have been mistreated and are now hurt. After being hurt we become angry. As that anger builds up (and we often don’t realize how much is there) it does more harm to us than the initial act that caused the
resentment. We have no control over whether or not the persons who offended us will ever change or apologize, and the odds are not in our favor. But we do have control over our choices. We can forgive them if we choose to. We are the ones who can remov e the pain from our own hearts.

When devotees tell me that so and so hurt me so deeply that I just can’t
forgive them, at least not completely, I say, “Okay, how about forgiving
them totally for one day, or one afternoon, or one hour or five minutes -
just to get some relief from the pain. Remember, no thought lives in your
mind rent free.

Sadhana means practice. We practice the activities and behavior of pure
vaisnavas. Practice means we do things which we may not feel like doing, and by doing them we develop an attraction for them. Once Prabhupada said that if we don’t feel like dancing we should dance anyway. Then we will feel like dancing. Similarly, we need to practice forgiveness, even if we don’t feel like it. As we practice forgiveness, it becomes easier to forgive and enables us to forgive on a higher level, perhaps even coming to the point that we can bless or help the offenders.

I encourage you to honestly examine the resentment you may still be
harboring in your heart. Who has hurt you that you have not forgiven and how is that playing out in your life (when devotees feel hurt by Iskcon it boils down to being hurt by someone). Or maybe you don’t feel resentment for anyone, but there is one thing that someone did that you just can’t forgive?

Ask yourself, “What is it about me that won’t allow me to forgive?” And then ask, “Could I somehow or other let it go?” If Nityananda Prabhu, Prahlada Maharaja, and Thakur Haridas could forgive those who attempted to take their lives, can you not forgive those who hurt you? This is what Prabhupada asks of all of us. It is a liberating and purifying experience and will unleash increased enthusiasm for devotional service.

Or do you wish to hold onto your resentment and carry it with you, say
another five years, when you think you might be ready to forgive? How will it feel to carry that in your heart for another five years? How will it help you? And what if in ten years you are unable to forgive? Is this something you really want to carry with you that long? What about carrying it for another twenty years? How will holding on to the hurt that long affect your life?

Are you ready to practice forgiving those who have hurt you? Are you ready to follow in the footsteps of the pure devotees and forgive right now, to simply let it go, to just chant and be happy? Ask yourself, “Would I be willing to let go of my resentment for so and so? Could I do it? Would I be willing to do it right now?

It’s important that you understand that letting go doesn’t mean you are
making a wrong a right. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you are letting a
criminal off the hook. It means you are letting yourself off the hook.

If you are not willing to let it go now, ask yourself these same questions
tomorrow, next week, next month - until you can let it go. You are not the
hurt or resentment. These are your feelings and you are different from your feelings. You are not the body. You are not your feelings. Because you are not your feelings, you can drop them. You can renounce them. You can become detached from them. You can control them.

So let me ask you again, Would you be willing to let them go right now?
Would you do it for your self? Would you do it for your own spiritual life?
Would you do it for the benefit of Iskcon? Would you do it for Prabhupada? Would you do it for Krsna?

If you say “I can’t,” what do you think it is about you that will not allow
you to forgive? And how does that play out in your other relationships. And does that play out even play out your relationship with guru and Krsna?


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nice article with many good motivational points and tools to consider.

It might be possible to forgive things which have happened to us in the
past, but once burned twice shy. In the future each of us will learn not to
be so open with each other, so naive, and we will keep our distance from
each other, so we don’t get hurt again. We learn to build walls to protect
ourselves in all relationships.

For me, my experience was always as a foot-soldier in the army of ISKCON, with a big mouth. Whoever was in charge was always, in my eyes, public enemy #1, and I always made sure they knew it. We have to remember the saying though “a happy crew is a complaining crew, but as soon as there is silence mutiny is coming”. It’s good to tolerate dissent within our ranks and not snuff it out. Unless we know what people are unhappy about and address those issues, history often has a tendency to repeat itself, making the same issues come up again, until a resolution is found.

I was married within ISKCON, went out into the work force, and eventually started my own small business, which I have managed for 29 years. Everyday, rain or shine, thick or thin, I have to show up and produce. I am always totally responsible for my own success and failure, which makes me very God-fearing. I can be snuffed out at any time, which makes me dependent on the protection of Lord Krishna. At the same time I have to work very hard to succeed, with no promises or guarantees of success. I also know Lord Krishna can do with me as He likes, because He is neutral to all of us, and doesn’t favor one party over another.

Now I am in the position of managing foot-soldiers who disrespect my
command, disregard and disobey my instructions, and who treat me at public enemy #1, so I deeply empathize with the leaders of our society, forgiving them, and understanding the difficulties which they must face each day. For them it must be a low-paid, thankless task to be in charge of our society, especially during these trying times, and more a labor of love.

There is a major push at this time, by the youth of our movement, to change and shake-up the establishment, not unlike how we ourselves were in our youth. My question to each of them is: do you really know what you are getting yourselves into? Will you do a better job, while at the same time, not compromise our principles?

I have had many devotees rip me off in the past. I hated them and cursed
them for it, but in the ultimate issue I had to forgive them all, because
Lord Krishna has given me plenty and has taken care of me. If I demand that they pay me back, I might have to take another birth for that to happen, which is another great reason to forgive.

Hare Krishna,
Suresh das